Up the Creek - S2e10, khjjkgyhrryjukyo,i

Pacey and Dawson start off episode 10 (real title: "High-Risk Behavior") by having an intense discussion about how they've really been in love this whole time. Clearly, they are rehearsing lines for Dawson's dumb movie, but it's supposed to be a big ~clever reveal~ when Dawson ostensibly leans in for a kiss only to reach for a script instead of Pacey's mouth. WOW I NEVER SAW IT COMING

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Up the Creek - S2e8, A Raging Part and A First Dat

Season 2, episode 8 (real title: "The Reluctant Hero") kicks off with Dawson watching It's a Wonderful Life. I think? Maybe it's To Kill A Mockingbird?

I have not watched many old movies in my life, I guess. Whatever. Pacey is there and he doesn't know or care what movie it is either. He is bored and just wants to take all of the pepperoni off the pizza and eat it on one slice. I totally relate to this and endorse Pacey's priorities.

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Up the Creek - S2E4, Possibly I Have Never Been So Bored

The real title of this episode is "Tamara's Return" and I got VERY EXCITED not only because I like Tamara (in spite of her propensity to commit statutory rape) but also because she is BFF with MEL FREAKIN' SILVER and so I thought maybe he would make a cameo and save me from everything. SPOILER ALERT: HE DOES NOT. And if that weren't sad enough, this episode is the most boring thing to ever happen on television ever, including everything that has ever aired on CSPAN. And if THAT weren't sad enough, the episode opens with Dawson and Joey making out.


On pavement.

And Dawson is wearing shoes and socks.

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Up the Creek - S2e3, a general feeling of discomfort

Season 2, episode 3 (real title: "Alternative Lifestyles," which, I can't) opens with THE DEATH OF THE LADDER!!!!!

I was excited at first because I thought maybe one of the adult Leerys noticed all the bugs in their house and realized the infestation was coming from the perpetually open windows/lack of screens in Dawson's room, but nope, it's just that Mr. Leery is real concerned about Dawson and Joey going to the bone zone.

Dawson accuses him of being in denial that "the little boy you brought into  the world is now a sexual being." In the last episode, Mr. Leery literally yelled "No glove, no love" at Dawson and Mrs. Leery showed Joey a pornographic massage book, so I kind of think they get it, but Dawson disagrees, and demonstrates it by saying "sexual being" no less than 54 times in this scene. Glad to see my desire to punch him in the face remains intact.

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Up the "Creek" - S2e2, Beefcakes, Boats and SuperSoakers

Joey and Dawson are totally making out during an infomercial for an at-home sausage maker. That is not a euphemism.

They show a lot of these close-ups of sausage. I feel uncomfortable. Anyway, then the Leerys come in and turn off the sausage show and stare at Joey and Dawson on the bed. Joey has been sleeping over for years and the Leerys have never popped in to check on them, so I’m not sure why it’s happening now or why Mr. Leery is wearing a wifebeater to do it. Maybe the Leerys actually do come in to Dawson's room every night and stare at the two of them sleeping, which probably makes more sense, given the personality disorders of every character on this show.

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Up the "Creek" - S2e1, Hellfire And The Suspension Of Time

I took last week off because there is only so much of this one person can handle in consecutive weeks before her brain starts to hurt. Anyway, hi, y'all! I'm soldiering on to season two. Don't get too excited. Let's just take this a season at a time, you and me. My tolerance could just run out at any time. Lest you be worried that that week off will leave you confused about where we are in the Dawson universe, WORRY NOT.

We're picking up right where we left off, with dramatical kissing silhouettes! I take this to mean they've been standing there kissing for two straight weeks, since I finished the last episode of the first godforsaken season. Since that is a long ass time to be kissing, it's time for them to break apart and discuss the fact that they kissed and what it means that they kissed, and then to dedicate some time to acting awkward about the fact that they kissed and accusing each other of not wanting to have kissed. This goes on until Joey throws a tantrum and Dawson shuts her up by kissing her.

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Up the "Creek" - S1e13, Are You Capable Of Not Making That Face Or

Per usual, the episode (real title: "Decisions") opens with Dawson and Joey's standing movie date, except this time she's complaining about how said standing movie date is so predictable. This conversation turns to the topic of cliffhangers on TV shows and how they're always so predictable and never result in anything changing, which is clearly a very pathetic attempt at having the characters discuss their own situation. I like to imagine the Dawson's writers thought this was clever, but it's mostly just awkward and serves only to reaffirm that Joey is an unpleasant, whiny girl. The great cliffhanger, if you will, is why this girl has any friends at all.

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Up The "Creek" - S1e12, Rejecting What You've Wanted All Along

In the opening scenes of episode 12 (real title: "Beauty Contest"), Dawson's in his room with Joey watching bugs have sex. Yeah, that's not a euphemism.

He says he doesn't understand how the bugs know who to be attracted to, because they all look alike. Racist.

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Up the "Creek" - S1e11, The Carnival Of Cool

Episode 11 (real title: "Double Date") opens with Dawson moping around his room whining to Joey about Jen. He's all confused because she hasn't tried to get together with him since they broke up, so I guess he's unclear on the concept of a breakup. Joey asks what he’ll do if Jen asks him to be friends, and he says he’s not sure he can be friends with someone he wants to be in a relationship with. Joey gives him exasperated eyes and says, "IT CAN BE DONE."

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Up the "Creek" - S1e10, Shockingly, Dawson Didn't Do It

To open episode 10 (real title: "The Scare"), Joey and Dawson watch "I Know What You Did Last Summer" in honor of the next day, which happens to be Friday the 13th. Dawson looks really happy that Sarah Michelle Gellar is about to bite it. Again, why Joey hangs out in his room alone with him all the time remains a mystery.

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Up the "Creek" - S1e09, Reacting By Not Reacting

In the opening scene of episode 9 (real title: "Roadtrip"), Dawson laments his breakup with Jen by listening to Savage Garden (freakin' Savage Garden) and staring longingly out the window. Joey calls him an idiot and yells at him for being sad. Glad to see that this, the dysfunctional foundation of their weird friendship, remains intact.

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Up the "Creek" - S1e08, Broody McConvertible

Episode 8 (real title: "Boyfriend") opens with Dawson in his room watching TV alone. He comes upon a scrambled porn channel and spends zero time trying to watch it, proving once more that he is not a normal teenage boy.

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Up the “Creek” – S1e07, What Did John Hughes Ever Do To You, Dawson?

At the beginning of episode 7 (real title: "Detention") , Joey and Dawson are once again hanging out in his room watching TV. Seven episodes in I feel qualified to assume that this is just how every episode ever is going to open, but at least this time they are also hanging out with ET.

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Up the “Creek” – S1e06, The Longest Day

Episode 6 (real title: "Baby") opens with Joey and Dawson watching a movie. She says she has to leave because her sister's all pregnant and about to pop, and then we find out that Jen is there too. She feels awkward for intruding on Joey and Dawson's "personal ritual" of watching movies in his creepy room. Turns out Joey feels awkward that she's there, too, so the two of them have a passive-aggressive conversation about how they should both leave. Throughout all of this, Joey is wearing overalls. Short overalls.

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